"WHY CAN'T YOU JUST SNAP OUT OF IT!" Sometimes I just want to yell this at the top of my lungs, stomp my feet, grab my husbands shoulders and shake him. Maybe I could rattle his depression out of him! No, I know this isn't true. But holy fuck! His depression is spreading its tentacles to the entire family and there are times all I want to do is run. Sometimes I wonder if I'm depressed to! I don't believe I am though, I get down, but it's nowhere near the same as what I witness happening with him.
When it gets bad, I mean his depression turns to more than just him being down and he starts raging or doing irrational things, I can't help but wonder how much of this I can take. I have to keep reminding myself of my vows, "in sickness and in health", and remembering to detach and not take it personally. It's just so darn hard sometimes. The past couple of weeks have been down days every day. I mean when I'm around him I feel so heavy, angry and sad. I have always been an empath and separating my own emotions from others can be tricky at times. At the moment, our relationship is in a total breakdown. Our communication is next to zero and my kids are suffering from what is happening. My daughter in particular, I see her lashing out in similar ways and him lashing out back at her! It's like I have three children instead of two! Ugh.
Regardless, one day at a time, right? Next week I am off for some fun in our closest big city, the kiddos will be joining me and we are going to see what it feels like to take a break from all this doom and gloom. Simply put, we need to get out and have some fun, so we are! Big love to everybody out there, happy or sad, we all need it.
xoxo Me
